Wednesday, January 4, 2012

How to become a mountain man part one

as promised, Mountain man status and how you too can be as burly as me.

Before I start I must clarify that different categories of mountain men exist and these distinctions will be evident upon the conclusion of my little tid bits of knowledge and insider information regarding what I hope will become a series or when I run out of ideas to make up about this topic, which ever comes first.  Maybe this information will just disappear, leaving you wondering what happened, kind of like a mountain man would do. Searching for solitude and the next adventure, or to just chop a cord of wood or two.  

First break all your shaving equipment, in public with your bare hands.   This is best done at a party or gathering where you do not know anyone, Announcing  what you are going to become. In your best mountain voice.   No turning back now.  This act of raw mountain man aggression will serve a few purposes.  You are putting it out there.  It will also show these hipster party goers that you are not to be messed with.  Standing in a circle, with bleeding hands, howling at the moon.  That is what a mountain man would do.  

Jeremiah Johnson is now your spiritual guide.  Watch this movie over and over to learn and memorize his movements and demeanor. He will not let you down.  

Flannel shirts not in a Seattle early 80's grunge kind of way but in a lumberjack, casual miner kinda way.  Carhart pants work well for the image that we are going for and top it off with a good ole fashion trucker hat. Don't worry, with the right swagger, you will be able to pull it off.  These are only to be worn when descending from large mountains into small mountain towns to show everyone how much of a badass mountain man you are.  

If you are a little hungry, you should not order food.  Mountain men don't pick at salads, they order the largest thing on the menu and devour it as if they haven't had real meat in days.  No vegans allowed.  If you can order a turkey leg, eat it like the barbarian, bear wrestling man that you are.  Let the turkey juices run down your chin and don't use a napkin, that is why flannel is printed and not one color.  Gravy is not a condiment and should take the place of vegetables.  Mountain men don't converse or chat when they eat, they grunt or acknowledge by a tip of the cap or a nod of the head.  


pollicino said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ultrarunnergirl said...

You're a Fine Figure of a Man, sir.

Bill said...

Thanks Kir

Anonymous said...

次に、記念碑的なフィレンツェの方、頭 と外観 うち、 新しい とカラフルな モチーフ Calzoleria
ボローニャで、合理的に 価格 格納サン ・ ジョヴァンニ広場に。 これらが含まれています 関連付けられている の有名なブランド のような ルイ ・ ヴィトン グッチ とプラダ エトセトラ 。

my web site miu miu バッグ

Anonymous said...

You can emerged swank and a little way too arrogant of their footwear.
There are two long straps on so it that are respected by a jewelry hardware chain.

If you prefer the Chanel The house bag you is required to have the
not one but two.55 bag. The bag also acts how classic your lover beauty is as well.

Anonymous said...

Service is friendly and helpful, and the bakery staff offers open samples!
Lindsay added a info of rice protein to help the
lady bones and blood vessels. All the much loved not like as well basically primary Theory.
Chanel presented classic purses and handbags styles such just as the classic flap and the 2.
55 shoulder bag.


Anonymous said...

Because of the limited collection, most of the designers only participated
around with any of these colours. At 1968, the androgynous hippie
look was a student in style. And will often you want to place twenty heavy baggage of shopping the particular same route?
Do you need to positively diversify the range of products?

Stop by my blog: men's paul smith shoes