Tuesday, January 3, 2012

You are either First or you suck

Not so fast. I am creating some hope for us yet.

A lot of energy has been placed in firsts. First white man to run this or that trail. First person to reach this or that peak. First person to horseback 10 miles, kayak three times around a pond and then walk backwards 22 steps, wearing yellow shorts with one shoe, for a new world record.   No one has done that before have they? So while i am  in the mood of  making  things up to be first in, I propose taking it to the next level.  This level is called NUMBER TWO  If you are "first" to complete a made up challenge, the next person completing this same awe inspiring,  I'm better than you feat must take it to the NUMBER TWO level and since I am "first" to propose the notion of a NUMBER TWO, do I need to one up myself right now?  Confused, me too.  
Allow me to provide an example. 
Bob,  as i will call him,  runs from one mountain top to the other in a time of xx:xx, Bill, as i will call him, wants to NUMBER TWO,his achievement.   he must run the same route but Bill decides to stab himself in the leg with an UNLEADED*pencil at the beginning of the run, beat Bobs time and at the conclusion of the run, Bill will then escape imminent GRAPHITE* poisoning by removing the Broken off piece of Pencil* imbedded in his thigh with a rusty spoon hence completing his NUMBER TWO of the first achievement. 

Who was the "first" to read this? Sorry you are slow,    
I'm already working on taking this to the NUMBER TWO level by rereading it blindfolded, You are welcome to try and  NUMBER TWO my achievement if you can.  
If you are still reading this, I apologize for not writing anything of value, No I don't because while you reading this drivel and nonsense, I was out NUMBER TWOing. 
Coming soon so Stay tuned as "Bill" tells you how to obtain mountain man status.


Gombu said...

I don't think you are the first person to think along these lines.

Also 1st to correct you on lead in pencils. Its actually graphite.


Kim said...

What if a female does it?Is it Number Two or just another asterisk????

Bill said...

I make up the rules as I go. I am the first to write about it on MY blog, this makes me first. Winner winner chicken dinner extra crispy fried.

Your correction is noted and changed with an asterisk


Male/female first/ number two, asterisks or not, they are all made up accomplishments. I will award you as many asterisks as you like. Maybe using different symbols for every first or number two would be more epic!&@;:/- yeah

ultrarunnergirl said...

This is classic BILL.